I don't believe He brought me this far to leave me...

Whooy!

The last 3 days have been, um, interesting...

I can confirm that I started on Monday. I can also confirm that I am still on track. But I've been absolutely miserable... Depressed even. Side effects of the diet so far... Tears, lots of tears. I don't know whether I'm crying because the food is so vile, or whether I just miss conventional food. I look at my son eating his dinner and I envy him. I actually want to punish him for the mere fact that he can eat and enjoy life. I've found myself telling him off for chewing too loud, too fast, too slow, just chewing! Effectively he cant win. So I've asked him not to eat in the same room as me.

Another side effect is that I have become macrosmatic. I can smell bread a mile off. Again when my son is eating I not only smell the food, but the exact seasoning in it... Sniff, Sniff- hmmm pimento, sniff- bit of garlic, sniiiiff thyme.. Arrrrrrrgggh! I cant take it any more. I have actually worn a scarf over my face in the house just to keep me sane. I even found myself looking at his plate thinking how many calories are in a lick... Just one lick... for a little flavour. It all smells so tantalising... Then there's the enhanced observational skills. How many of you watched Holby City? Now those of you who did, how many of you noticed the consultant sexily slathering real butter (not margarine) on to two thick slices of lightly toasted Warburtons bread? I did! It wasn't even essential to the plot- I don't think he even finished the toast. Vex does not begin to describe how I feel. I didn't realise how heavily food featured in programmes. I think I may have to stop watching telly during this period.

So in a nutshell I'm not a happy bunny, to make matters worse there have been a few set backs this week. Business wise and personally. This was topped off with the most disastrous vocal rehearsal ever which left me with heart palpitations, but that's a story for another day. Normally this would call for a little comfort food pick me upper... I know, let me drown my sorrows with some 'taste bad' soup and something masquerading as a milkshake! This diet actually makes you feel like you're cracking up. No one told me it would be this hard...

Oh and how could I forget to mention the peeing... That's right, I said it. Peeing! I am peeing like a racehorse!!! I drink around 3-4 litres of water a day. I go to the bathroom every 40 minutes without fail. I'm thinking of getting a catheter fitted and walking around with a bag because it is absolutely ridiculous...

I'm not going to lie, I am struggling a bit and on three occasions thought of throwing in the towel. But the fact that some of you contacted me to check up on me, encouraged me and chased me for a new posting really helped keep me on track, honestly. Thank you so much. Also I want to rise to this challenge, I know I can do this!

Finally, I went for my 3D body analysis on Monday... It was really an eye opener and you know what, I am going to post the photo. I don't intend to be this fat again (God willing) sooooo, what the heck... Here goes...

I cant wait to post the slim and sexy version in a few months. Wish me luck...

Until next time

Sonja-Lee xx

The Last Supper...

It is with great heaviness of heart that I write this entry.

After days of meticulously planning what I would eat this last week, making sure no craving was left unsatisfied, the day of all days arrived. The grand finale of food... I had plans for today. Big plans...

My last lunch was to be a Big Tasty with bacon meal with orange juice and a cherry pie from McDonald's. I took a cursory look in the bag... Everything seemed in order. Why is it that when I arrive home and open the box there is NO BACON in my burger! To make things worse, I reach into the bag for my cherry pie, only it had been replaced with 'air pie'. I call up the restaurant, stating my complaint about the missing bacon and pie, to be told they will replace my whole meal free of charge. I felt my eyes stinging with tears. I couldn't tell the attendant that I would not be able to eat again for the next four months. I mumbled thanks for the good will gesture, gave her my details for my future 'freebie' and hung up... At least I had dinner to look forward to.

Yes dinner... Mmmmmm. I was cooking my favourite childhood dish, Ackee and corn pork, boiled dumplings, yam and green bananas. I have been dreaming about this ALL week. Today I drove around the whole city looking for just the right yam and the perfect bananas. I got home, I lovingly kneaded the flour. You know that the dumplings are going to be perfect when they leave the bowl clean- no excess flour, not too sticky, neither too firm or too soft. Just perfect dough.  Whilst the banana skins were a little resistant to being removed they looked beautiful. The soft white yam glistened as it slipped into the pot. Today was going to be a good day. I sauteed the onions and scotch bonnet pepper. Put a sliced tomato in and cooked until just the skin was visible in the pot. Added the fried cubes of pork, then the ackee, some sliced escallion, crushed black peeper, a sprig of thyme and left to simmer.

I went upstairs just to check a few messages and emails, I don't know how much time elapsed between me going up stairs and returning to the kitchen however when I did something seemed strange, the aroma that I was expecting was replaced with a slightly acrid smell. Yes, My akee and corn pork had burned. I opened my mouth to scream... No sound, just silence. Now I really wanted to cry, no cow bawl. But I was taught that you should never cry over food. I seriously cannot express my disappointment. I was planning to take a picture of it to show to the good folk of cyberville, but my dish had the look of something only a mother could love.

I couldn't even eat the desert I got- rhubarb crumble with custard and a dollop of lightly whipped double cream. Instead I ended up eating a strip of Galaxy cookie crisp chocolate and three Haribos washed down with a glass of chardonnay.

Maybe the catalogue of catastrophes was a good thing. Its actually making me look forward to the porridge, soups and shakes that I'll be living on for the next few months. At least they wont disappoint. I know they will taste like crap.

Oh well, I'm signing off.

Until next time

Sonja-Lee xx

"Hey Fattie Bum Bum, sweet sugar dumpling..."

Carl Malcolm's ode to the Rubenesque woman is a song that any child growing up in a West Indian household in the 70s/80s would know very well, especially if they happened to have a little puppy fat. I was that child.

I have never had a problem with the word fat, I find it is an accurate adjective, so I couldn't understand the furor surrounding the name of my blog. "Why are you defining yourself in cyber world as a fat chic?" Um, because I am one in the real world.... Well for now anyway. I personally am not affected by the negative connotations that go with the title 'fat'. I always say to people, don't get it twisted me being fat does not negate the fact that I am HOT! I dress to compliment my figure which is in proportion, good proportions at that ;-) and I consider myself to be a stylish chic... As my Naija brethren would say "My sista you pack it well-oo!"

Two months ago I went on one of those scales that measure body fat and to my surprise 48% of my body, according to this machine was FAT. 48%!!! More worryingly my visceral fat count ie fat around my internal organs was measured at 12, just 3 points away from me being a walking heart disease riddled, diabetic hypertensive stroke victim! But do you think that stopped me or challenged me to change my lifestyle... No, because I still looked cute in my clothes.

So what made me want to commit to changing my life...

Exhibit A

I would like to introduce to you my partner in crime, lets call her 'Songbird'. We used to eat deserts together... even if it was for lunch and indulged in "Treat Friday" contraband substances:- chocolates, crisps sweets and such the like, sometimes everyday of the week. Now I haven't posted this picture to expose her, not at all, as she on a healthy eating/ exercise tip now and doing quite well... No this picture was taken the night my life got turned upside down.

We were at an event, bubbling to 90's tunes.  As I was reminiscing, whilst doing the 'Pepper Seed'* to 'When I see you smile' in my 6 inch heels (I'm very short) my leg went funny... I seemed to have developed an acute case of 'lock jaw inna mi knee'! I could barely walk but I had to style it out as I sashayed to my car in great pain.  The next day I couldn't event wear heels to Church, which quite frankly was an aberration. My knees were actually inflamed. Anything other than flats was an impossibility.

This happened last Saturday and was my wake up call to do something different. I had never felt the physical effects of me being big before. As I said previously, I look good in my clothes and I cant see my visceral fat so the dangers of that hadn't registered with me. However the thought of not being able to walk/ dance properly or worse yet WEAR HEELS was the slap in the face that I needed. So here I am...

Its not long now til Monday and you know what? I'm actually looking forward to it. By the way, I didn't do the 3D body scan  as the place closed early, so I'll be getting it done on Monday. Still not sure if I'll be brave enough to post result on here though...

Until next time

Sonja-Lee xx

*Pepper seed- a 90s Jamaican dance move

Can you feel the love tonight?

I have been overwhelmed by the support I have received from you guys as well as the positive comments on my facebook page. Having you all behind me will certainly make this process easier.

However... I must say I've been surprised by some of the more negative comments in the camp. Not so much because they were negative, that's to be expected, but because of who they were from. Comments like  "You know if you fail I'll laugh!" from my 'Sistafren' has only fueled my passion to succeed. The battle of the bulge is won in the mind and I am so there.

Things I have learnt so far ( in the last 24 hours)

1. When you try to improve yourself in any way people will try to bring you down- The worse thing is they may not even realise they are doing it.
2. Once you start a project, any project, people will try and transpose their failings on you. You will hear all the stories of why they didn't succeed and why your 'runnings' will fail. NB this will be disguised as 'just giving you a heads up'. Do not be fooled. These comments serve nothing more than to derail you.
3. People who you thought would be excited about your new venture will appear to be disinterested, as if what you are embarking on is of no significance. Don't let it get to you, they are probably struggling with the disappointment of not being able to do the same thing themselves...

On a lighter note I have had a request to show a full body picture as I apparently don't look fat (enough) in my head shot... here goes, thunder thighs and all...

The previous head shot was just clever photography... looking up into the camera and hiding my excess chins behind my scarf!

Finally, tomorrow I'm going to have3D shape analysis body scan :-o... Oh Laaaaaaaard. Now if the print out of that doesn't move me I don't know what will. I think I'll keep it on my mirror and look at it every day for the next 17 weeks. If I'm brave enough I'll post it...

Until next time

Sonja-Lee xx



In the begining...

FAT:  (fæt)

Adj:

Having too much flabby tissue 

Corpulent ( I like that one...)

Obese

Plump

Noun:

The best or richest  part of anything.

Hi my name is Sonja-Lee and I am ALL of the above.

However after careful consideration I have decided to shift the pounds... 84 to be exact, much to the dismay of all the fatphiles out there. I have also decided to document my journey as truthfully as possible via this medium. Mostly in the hope that sheer shame will keep me on track, knowing that people will be following my progress as well as having a record of how far I've come. You have my permission to stop me in the supermarket if you see me picking up inappropriate foods or beverages and to tell me to put them back... even if I say I'm purchasing said items for a 'friend' I can tell you from now it is a lie! A lie from the pit of hell!!!

My diet of choice is the Cambridge diet (other weight loss plans are available) which is effectively a meal replacement scheme- its not fun, but my counsellor assures me that in 17 weeks I'll be svelte and sexy. I had to remind him that I was sexy already but I was looking forward to reuniting with the inner skinny me.

Well I don't want to bombard you with too much on my first post. I look forward to hearing from you - maybe with some tips or words of encouragement. Heck even haters are welcomed as you comments will only serve to propel me.

I haven't started yet- my 'tomorrow' is yet to arrive as I always remember the 'last meal' I just have to have so that it doesn't haunt me during the process... It looks like I'll be starting on Monday 21st February, just so that I have enough time to empty my kitchen of the good stuff :-)

Until next time...

Sonja-Lee xx